True Crime--ewwwww!

I have never been a true crime fan. I like my mysteries to be solved and not too gory. I don't even get TV. Since I've got anxiety disorder, this has turned out to be a good thing.

But I do always look at the missing children boards in the stores. I'm an artist, I notice things, maybe I would notice a child that resembled one of the pictures. Plus, there was a billboard up about a missing local girl, every time I drove by it, I said a prayer that she would be found alive. After a year, they did find her and her murderer. But I keep thinking how awful it would be not to know.

So, I started checking the amber alerts. I started reading about Duncan. I got hooked on Planet Huff. http://www.planethuff.com/darkside/ Steve Huff is an excellent writer, which got me locked in to reading his postings when they started on the Taylor Behl murder. Now I get my nightmares daily via internet. But I don't stop.

A strange side effect for me was finding myself wanting to rabidly defend the young people involved. It annoyed me beyond belief that people would attack them for simply having had the misfortune to know this killer, however briefly. These are the very same group, especially his ex girlfriend Erin, and his ex-roommate, Mike, who helped the police find Taylor's body. I would think it would be bad enough just knowing one of your friends could do something like that, without all the crap people fling at them. Ben Frawly had already put Erin through hell simply because she was smart enough to dump him the first time he got violent. The jerk even buried Taylor not far from where Erin had lived. He tried to frame her for the murder by saying she'd had him kidnapped. He tried to make out she was this nasty porn queen, when all he did was prove he was a nut job. Besides, the pictures I did see of her, she had less skin showing than I usually see at a public beach. Yeah, they were suggestive. Some people consider the Venus de Milo suggestive too. A lot of girls work their way through college working at topless clubs. I would think being a model would be safer, probably get your bottom pinched less.

I started reading their blogs, and I was surprised at how mature this people are. They are probably even younger than my daughter, but they are bright, funny and articulate. I see a closeness, that maybe this tragedy has made them even better friends, since they seem to be supporting each other to get through this. I've started reading one of their blogs on a regular basis, just because she is a good writer and I enjoy her outlook. She's an artist, but if she ever decides to write, I think she would be succesfull at that too.

Today I happened to surf in accidently to another LJ blog, another young person with a life changing problem. Another articulate, funny and intelligent girl (and she turns to to be an art student. Hmmm) Another life I'm going to worry about! But aside from all the "well I wore pink toenail polish and decided it looked gruesome" type blogs, there is an amazing amount of really good reading out there, mostly written on LJ by young people. Probably a side which their parents never see and other people never bother to look for. I was like these kids once, and it's like going back into the good side of that world, the belief that what we say and do really matters. It's so easy to slip away from that enthusiasm as you get into the everyday grind of trying to keep food on the table, the laundry washed and the cats fed. Apathy is a hazard of adulthood. Probably just exhaustion. Seeing too many crooks in public office. Or as fuzzigigi said, an asshead for every occasion.

I'm lucky. I have things I'm still passionate about, and people who feel the same way. But we are locked in our endless circles, mostly talking just to each other. College, there was some one new all the time. Sometimes you loved them, some you hated, and others just bored you stiff. But each made you react in some way, made you think. Perhaps that's why I'm enjoying the blogs so much. I don't get out much, I'm pretty much stuck at home with no outside stimulation. College cuts across the age lines too, now I guess I'm supposed to act middle aged. I have no idea how middle aged acts. I know how my mom acted, and I'm sure as heck not going to behave like that. I don't think I have ever "acted my age" and it's too late to start now.

So, the blog thing is really interesting. I know that there are gripes that it is cutting people off even more than television already is, but I think that is just the normal the-sky-is-falling-the-sky-is-falling crap I've been hearing all my life. I know I write better than I talk, I'm much more likely to express what I really mean when I'm having to type it. Reading these other blogs, people are really sharing what is going on inside them. Because they are writing on-line, they know there is a chance somebody is going to read them, so isn't that a way of reaching out? People used to write long, long letters, it was considered a cultured art. What's the difference between emailing and paper? Besides the obvious ones I mean. I have friends, people I truly care about all over the world. I care if something happens in Bangladesh because Leia lives there. I'll never meet Joy in person, but I get pretty antsy if I don't hear from her every few days and she hasn't warned me she'll be off-line. I never would have gotten to know Judy as well, in fact, I'm still a little shy with her in person and not at all when emailing. Would I know how funny she is? How Pattie drives her insane?

So, forums and blogs are today's meeting places. At least we are meeting. So I get my news in bite sized chunks instead of sound bites. I get to choose which bite to take. And while I'm a bit appalled at myself for having this really morbid side, maybe I'll some day match up a missing face with a living child.